As I wrap up my coaching certification, I keep thinking about my elevator pitch (remember elevators and being in them talking casually to people?). How could I possibly intelligently convey the effects of coaching, in a non-rambling way? What would I say? How would I justify spending my time this way?
And then it came to me: I help doctors with their human brain stuff.
Many of us live in a painful dichotomy, stuck between being the “all-knowing” doctor on the one hand, and feeling behind in everything else. Many of us “gave up” our 20s (warning, that’s a thought) to learn medicine, and started other life stuff later; income, partners, children, pets, buying a home. Our training may have been traumatic with a big T or a little t, and we lived with the rhetoric of “surviving” medical school, residency, fellowship, etc, rotation by rotation. We probably learned a lot, but we also probably feared a lot, suffered a lot, suppressed a lot. And in the meantime, our primitive brains have been working in the background to keep us safe (fed regardless of the food, employed regardless of the conditions, avoiding criticism/negative feedback regardless of the things our higher selves wanted to try doing).
And now, as an attending, as perhaps a spouse, perhaps a parent, perhaps a pet parent, here we are, still feeling behind, and likely disillusioned by where we are. I thought I would feel ________ when I finally did/finished __________. As in, I thought once I was an attending, I would feel confident in my medical knowledge. As in, I thought once I had kids, I would feel happy that I had started a family. Don’t get me wrong, maybe you do feel all of the things that you want to feel right now. But for many, this is an arrival fallacy; we wanted to feel happy, confident, smart, etc, which is why we pursued those things. But achieving those things don’t make us feel the emotions. Our thoughts about those circumstances generate the emotions.
This is what brought me to coaching. Connecting the idea that our thoughts, our mindset, is what causes our feelings, is why I am here for you. For such a long time, I kept waiting for others to fix things, complaining about my life, complaining about the circumstances, saying “if only…” It never worked. But once I came to see that it was my own thoughts getting in the way of those feelings, and that those feelings of happiness, contentment, etc where always available to me, I could start doing the work I needed to do on my own thought, on my mindset. And what a difference it has made.
So if you find yourself struggling with your human brain, the brain that wants to keep serving you thoughts about minimizing energy expenditure, avoiding pain, and seeking pleasure, and you want to do something different (change my mindset, start exercising and eating better, stop feeling so negative about everything), come and coach with me. If you are ready, I’m here for you.
