What Am I No Longer Willing To Do? The Boundary-Setting Question Every Physician Needs to Ask

Why reducing your FTE isn't just about working less - it's about living more intentionally

If you're like most physicians, you've probably fantasized about cutting back your work schedule. Maybe you've even gotten permission to reduce your FTE. But here's where most of us go wrong: we focus entirely on what we want less of without getting clear on what we want more of.

And that's how brilliant women doctors end up trading their medical expertise for... more time doing laundry.

The Conversation That Started It All

I was coaching a physician who wanted to reconfigure her work schedule. She'd finally gotten approval to cut her FTE and was excited about all the things she'd finally have time for.

"I can catch up on the piles of laundry," she said. "Organize the house, spend more time with my daughter..."

I had to stop her right there.

"We are not cutting our physician FTE in order to do more laundry."

Don't get me wrong - I understand the distress of household chaos. But if you're using your hard-won time off to do tasks that breed resentment and frustration, you're missing the entire point.

The Question That Changes Everything

Instead of asking "What do I want less of?" try this powerful reframe:

"What am I no longer willing to do?"

This question acknowledges something crucial: you're not incapable of doing these things. You're choosing not to. There's a world of difference between "I can't" and "I won't."

Three Areas Where This Question Will Transform Your Life

1. At Work: Professional Boundaries That Have Shifted

Remember that evening clinic you agreed to when you first started? Your life was different then. Maybe you didn't have aging parents, young children, or a partner who needed more support. Maybe the demands on your time and energy have shifted.

Just because you were willing to do something before doesn't mean you're wrong to say no now.

I have a client who's a skilled head and neck cancer surgeon. She can do complex, hours-long surgeries - but she's no longer willing to be the only physician available for round-the-clock post-op checks in her isolated location. It's not about capability; it's about sustainability.

2. At Home: Where You're Trading Time for the Wrong Things

If you have more money available than time, why are you still doing your own cleaning, laundry, and yard work? This isn't about being "too good" for household tasks - it's about being strategic with your most precious resource.

Your kids need to learn life skills anyway. Your partner (if you have one) needs to contribute to the household they live in. And you need to protect your energy for what actually matters to you.

3. In Relationships: What You're No Longer Willing to Tolerate

This applies everywhere - with patients, family members, colleagues, and friends. Maybe you used to:

• Let patient visits run 20 minutes over schedule
• Take on complex cases outside your expertise to save patients a referral
• Accommodate family members who consistently create drama
• Cover for colleagues who don't pull their weight

You get to change your mind about what you'll accept.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

Here's what I want every physician to understand: You don't need to justify why something that was okay before isn't okay now.

Evidence changes. Life circumstances change. Sometimes you just wake up and realize you need better boundaries because you're drowning.

All of these reasons are valid.

Getting Clear on Your Non-Negotiables

When you're clear on your values and what's truly important to you, decision-making becomes so much easier. Ask yourself:

• What do I want more of in my life?
• What are my safety concerns?
• What goals do I have for this phase of my life?
• What am I willing to be flexible on, and what absolutely isn't up for discussion?

The Uncomfortable Truth About Boundaries

Setting boundaries will lead to uncomfortable conversations. Some people won't understand your choices. Others might push back or try to guilt you into changing your mind.

That's not your problem to solve.

Your job is to be clear about what you will and won't do, then follow through consistently. The people who are meant to be in your life - as patients, colleagues, friends, or family - will respect your boundaries.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

I recently had to cancel my clinic to attend a parent-only pediatric visit for my child. My pediatrician doesn't offer telehealth for these appointments - that's her boundary. Do I love having to rearrange my schedule? No. But I respect her ability as a physician to say "I don't do telehealth visits, full stop." And I told her that.

She's clear on what she's willing and unwilling to do. And because this appointment was important for my child's health, I chose to work within her boundaries.

This is how boundaries work when we respect each other's choices.

Your Next Steps

1. Get brutally honest about what's draining your energy - not just at work, but in all areas of your life
2. Identify what you actually want more of - presence with family, time for your health, energy for the medicine that excites you
3. Start the uncomfortable conversations - whether that's negotiating your schedule at work or redistributing household responsibilities at home
4. Remember that boundaries aren't selfish - they're necessary for sustainability and showing up as your best self

The Bottom Line

When we're not clear on what is or isn't important to us, we end up feeling frustrated, resentful, overwhelmed, and overworked. We cannot agree to do that anymore.

You have the ability to say more clearly what you are and aren't willing to do. You have the ability to change choices without looking back at past decisions as wrong or terrible.

The question isn't whether you're capable of doing something - it's whether you're still willing to do it.

Ready to dive deeper into creating boundaries that actually stick? Listen to Episode 179 of Ending Physician Overwhelm: "What Am I No Longer Willing To Do?" for the full conversation about reclaiming your time and energy.

Want support as you navigate these changes? Schedule a complimentary coaching discovery call to explore how we can work together to create the sustainable, fulfilling medical career you deserve.

What are you no longer willing to do? The answer to that question might just change your life.