Confidence Vs Self-Confidence
Oct 09, 2021
At first glance, there is no versus here, only two things that seem identical. However, I am going to show you how very different these two things truly are.
As I moved along in my career journey, I developed confidence. My CV grew to include new skills, new titles, new publications, new clinical and teaching experience. I could easily look to my past to see the things that I had done, certificates obtained, etc, and feel confident that I knew how to be a doctor. Confidence comes from knowing that you have done something before, and succeeded, and thus you can do it again. This validation can come from passing a test, being cleared to perform certain procedures, etc and we can point to it, and say, “see, this says I can do it.” No matter what you think and feel inside, you can be confident.
Self-confidence, however, is entirely different. Trusting that you can handle things, including your own emotions, including failure, is self-confidence. Knowing that you can figure something out, and fail and try again, without giving up, is self-confidence. It’s a commitment to believing in yourself, even when you have no proof that you can do what you say you will do. No surprise, given that the word “self” is inside “self-confidence,” the validation of you comes from within. And it’s not innate to our human brains.
Human brains serve us many automatic thoughts for our own preservation; fear, worry, and doubt are normal functions of our primitive brains that are offered up to us when we consider making a change, or taking a risk. During early human history, we needed this to stay safe; we shouldn’t tease the saber-tooth tiger if we want to stay alive. But now, our brains send us these messages of fear, worry and doubt all day, and it doesn’t serve to keep us alive, it often serves to keep us quiet, small, and suffering in silence. “Don’t try for that promotion, you don’t know how to do it.” “Every time you try to lose weight, you fail, so let’s just keep eating this way.” “If you write very long, detailed notes in the chart, people will know that you are a good doctor.” Does any of this sound familiar?
Our training as Physicians made our fear, worry and doubt messages even stronger; we learned to ignore our bodies (hunger, fatigue, emotional reactions to human suffering/injury), and to fear failure and humiliation above all else. Wherever we started on our balances of confidence vs self-confidence, many of us paid more attention to growth in our achievements (and comparing ourselves to others’ performances) than we did to cultivating trust in ourselves, and failure tolerance. For many of us, this played out as donating time to our employers writing intricately detailed notes, volunteering for extra work to feel valued, people pleasing, and ultimately failing to develop skills in being accountable to ourselves. As we made ourselves more accountable, more responsible for the health of our patients, our ability to care for ourselves often suffered, leaving us emotionally numb or depleted, using food or alcohol or overwork to avoid negative feelings, and ultimately struggling with the notion that we are never “good enough.”
I’m here to tell you my friends, that you can decide to change course.
If you are reading this, holding back tears (or maybe not holding them back), and feeling alone, inadequate, and depleted, I want you to know that it’s not too late to make a change. If you are ready to change and have a different experience of your life (work, family, relationship with yourself and others), we can work together to explore what’s happening for you now and uncover where you want to go. Let’s dig in and use coaching tools to reconnect with your feelings, to let go of self-judgment, build up your accountability to yourself, and change your life. If you are struggling with getting charts done, clutter in your house, overeating, feeling disconnected and joyless in your life, I’m here to help you.
Sign up for a free Coaching Discovery session with me, or, if you are ready, a full coaching session and let’s get to work on you, for you.
Hi There!
I'm Megan. I'm a Physician and a Life Coach and a Mom. I created this blog to help other Physicians and Physician-Moms learn more about why they feel exhausted, burned-out and overwhelmed, and how to start to make changes. I hope that you enjoy what you read, and that it helps you along your journey. And hey, if you want to talk about coaching with me, I'm here for that too! I offer a free 1:1 call to see if we are a good fit. Click the button below to register today.
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