6 Things Women Physicians Need (But Rarely Ask For)

Last week, I received a message that broke my heart a little.

"I know I need to make changes," she wrote, "but I don't even know where to start. Everyone tells me to practice self-care, but deep breathing and meditation apps aren't fixing what's broken in medicine."

She's right. They aren't.

Because what's draining women physicians isn't just the workload or the EHR or the administrative burden (though let's be real – those things aren't helping). It's something deeper.

It's the unsustainable patterns we've been taught are "normal." The perfectionism we wear like a second white coat. The people-pleasing that has us saying yes when every cell in our body is screaming no.

After working with hundreds of women physicians and living this journey myself, I've identified six elements that make the difference between surviving and thriving in medicine. And spoiler alert: not one of them involves scented candles.

1. Community (The Real Kind)

Last month, one of our Unbound physicians received an email at 4:45 PM saying her credentials had expired and she was terminated, effective immediately. She couldn't see patients the next day.

Within minutes of sharing this in our group, she had 8 responses, all of us there with her in her distress (turned out 40 physicians received this error message from a single HR employee who was later fired).

This is what real community looks like. Not networking. Not small talk at conferences. But having people who understand exactly what you're going through because they've lived it too.

Being surrounded by patients and colleagues all day doesn't fulfill our need for community. In fact, it can make the isolation worse when you're giving constantly but never receiving.

Ask yourself: Who truly gets what I'm going through? Who can I be completely honest with about my struggles in medicine?

2. Compassion (Starting With Yourself)

We know how to show compassion to patients going through tough times. We're experts at it. What we're terrible at? Showing that same compassion to ourselves.

I've watched brilliant physicians tear themselves apart for taking a sick day, missing a finding that 99% of doctors would also miss, or not answering all 40 questions a patient brought to a 15-minute visit.

The guilt is crushing us. And it's not serving anyone – not our patients, not our families, and certainly not ourselves.

What if your self-talk matched how you'd speak to a colleague facing the same challenge? How might that change your experience of medicine?

3. Safety (The Psychological Kind)

"I thought I was the only one who felt this way."

I hear this constantly from physicians who finally find a safe space to admit they're struggling. The relief of discovering you're not broken, you're not alone, and you're not failing is profound.

Psychological safety – the ability to voice your thoughts, fears, and mistakes without fear of judgment – is something medicine promises in theory but rarely delivers in practice. Creating spaces where women physicians can speak their truth is revolutionary.

In fact, I've watched physicians in groups say very little at first, then gradually start sharing things they've never told anyone in medicine. By month three, they're actively problem-solving and supporting others. That transformation only happens with safety.

4. Structure (Not Nearly as Boring as It Sounds)

We're smart, highly capable people. So why do we struggle to make the changes we know we need?

Because knowing what to do and having a structure to actually do it are completely different things.

When you want to set better boundaries, leave work on time, or stop getting walked all over in meetings, it helps to have:

• Clear steps to follow
• Words to practice saying
• Strategies for dealing with pushback
• Regular checkpoints to keep you accountable

Structure isn't sexy, but it works. It's the difference between "I should really start setting boundaries" and "I just left work at 5pm for the third time this week."

5. Accountability (Because We Need It)

Here's a paradox: physicians are highly accountable people. Our patients, our colleagues, our licenses all depend on our accountability.

Yet many of us struggle to be accountable to ourselves and our own wellbeing.

How many times have you promised yourself you'll leave by 6pm, only to find yourself charting at midnight? Or planned to exercise three times this week but let work take precedence?

External accountability bridges the gap between intention and action. Having a community that asks "how did that boundary practice go?" or "did you try that new charting workflow?" makes all the difference.

6. Reflection (The Secret Weapon)

In medicine, we're trained to always look forward to the next patient, the next problem, the next improvement. But we rarely stop to look back and see how far we've come.

This is what author Benjamin Hardy calls "The Gap and The Gain." When we only focus on the gap between where we are and where we want to be, we always feel behind. But when we measure the gain – how far we've come from where we started – we find momentum and motivation.

Taking time to reflect isn't a luxury – it's how we ensure we're living according to our values rather than just surviving each day.

What Now?

If you're nodding along thinking, "Yes, this is exactly what I need," I want to invite you to join our next Unbound cohort starting March 2nd.

For the past year, I've watched women physicians transform their relationship with medicine by cultivating these six elements together. They're setting boundaries, speaking up in meetings, finishing charts on time, and rediscovering why they went into medicine in the first place.

Is it magic? No. It's methodology combined with community.

The truth is, medicine isn't going to fix itself anytime soon. But you don't have to wait for systemic change to start experiencing medicine differently.

You've already tried pushing through. You've already tried doing more. Maybe it's time to try something different.